Category Archives: Mom’s Health

My Box of Truths

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Life can be tough. Just when we think we have all of the coping mechanisms in place to knock down stress and anxiety, things still just seem too hard. Exercise, clean diet, and even medication are no match for tough competitors like the fear, uncertainty, and disappointment that can sneak into our thoughts and control our behavior. And just like a sensory-seeking and dysregulated 3-year-old, we feel uncomfortable in our environment and find ourselves trantruming our way out of the pain.

Being overwhelmed with self-doubt often feels like something has broken open inside me. The box of thoughts and emotions that I like to keep closed up tightly has unlocked and its contents are spilling out for the world to see. I’m scrambling to pick up the negative thoughts and spiraling anxiety and close them back up before anybody notices that I’m less than perfect.

So my question today is…what do we do with all of these truths when they are out in the open of our own consciousness? How do we handle it when feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, disappointment, fear, sadness, and judgment are out of the box eagerly waiting their turn in line for their chance to take us down?

We can sit and wallow in sadness and despair like our dirty clothes that litter the laundry room floor.

We can drive guilt and fear around like passengers in our mini van.

We can trudge on and ignore our truths, forcing them in the closet like the old toys and clothes that need to be donated.

Knowing that these are not the real answers and only fill the box with feelings of failure and mismanagement…how do you squeeze in the time to effectively deal with your truths? It’s challenging to say the least, to find the time between your older child’s cough and fever and the younger one’s refusal to sleep when your husband’s out of town and there are no clean dishes.

And what’s worse? If you suffered at all in these truths, you know that getting your head in the right place to deal with overwhelming emotion and trying to be a parent at the same time is like watching the sand slip through the hourglass, knowing that it will be desperately harder to get a grip on yourself when time runs out.

Nothing screams louder at times like these than the need for space and protection. The urge to go hide under the darkness of my covers is so strong, I’ll go back to it only minutes after being out of bed in the morning. I must find the sense of peace and quiet that is a like a precious power to stop the spinning demands and self-doubt. I’m seeking a chance to reconnect with the adult voice in my head that leads me back to my strength and faith, and when I finally find it, I take a deep breath and hold it, allowing all of the positive energy to enter my core in the form of strength and self-acceptance.

Strength and courage in these quiet moments allows me to sit with my box of truths and open it slowly, pulling them out one by one. And if I’m feeling really brave, I’ll examine and feel fear, judgment, and worthlessness for what they really are. I’ll embrace the pain and ask myself some tough questions. Where does this come from? Why does it hurt so bad? Who can help me with this?

And with even more bravery, you may find the strength to wear your truth like a piece of fine jewelry–knowing that only others who own and wear pieces such as yours will complement your truths for their uniqueness and antiquity. You find pride in yourself and your truths will tell your story. Until one day you feel so good to be beaming in your truths that you notice your box lays empty and shattered. There’s nothing left to lock up and push down. You’ll wear each truth that enters the box proudly, handling it with unique strength that comes to only you in your quiet and brave moments.

And so my dream is this…we will no longer suffer in isolation. We will unite as mothers, empty our boxes, share our truths and emerge from these dark days of motherhood with our jewels on and shining bright.

Stress Management for Moms (part 3–It’s All in Your Head)

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So if you’ve read the first 2 installments of this series, you may think that I’ve got this all figured out and that I spend my days sipping Paleo-friendly lattes while my kids behave perfectly and my house cleans itself. Read on, my friend.

In the Fall of last year, I was feeling really good about all of the Actions I had taken to get everyone’s needs met. Charlotte was finally in therapy 2 days per week. Activities like swimming and ballet for both girls were in place, and I could still help in Dana’s classroom, walk, practice yoga, attend Pilates, and make a delicious Paleo meal every night. See where I’m going with this? Remember when I talked about slipping back into my old ways? (I’m a recovering type A mom who did everything right)

I was doing a good job, but I nearly stopped dead in my tracks while I was taking a walk and listening to one of my Paleo podcasts on my ipod. The words of wisdom came from naturopathic doctor Bryan P. Walsh. He was talking to Sean Croxton of Underground Wellness about Adrenal Fatigue. Dr. Walsh’s message was….it’s not your adrenal glands that are broken. It’s the messages you send to them that overwork them.

He went on to explain that the adrenal glands are like factories that send out stress hormones based on the thoughts that I produce. Lots of negative and anxious thoughts (I’m really good at making those) make cortisol and adrenaline, which are the enemies to the serotonin and melotonin I desperately need. You mean I am in control of my adrenal secretions? I stood stunned on the sidewalk for a moment and let this sink in.

I thought back to my schedule, my routine, and my tight grip on keeping everything just right. No wonder my recovery felt so slow and laborious. I was pushing a big rock up hill, and I was the one determining the size of the rock.

A few weeks later, as if the my-thoughts-to-God’s-ears-back-to-my-ears thing was somehow in place, I listened to my favorite Paleo nutritionists, Liz and Diane, talk about Adrenal Fatigue while I was doing a monster sink full of dishes. Diane referenced the Dr. Walsh podcast that I had listened to and talked extensively (to make sure I was listening) about stress management and adrenals.

Okay, so I took Action…again. I was at the bookstore just last week, and I picked up a this book on meditation from the clearance rack. I’m warning you now that this is going to get a little mindful and kooky, so bear with me. I recognize that in order to get my mind in a place where it doesn’t send negative thoughts to my adrenal glands, I need to get mindful of my thoughts and rid myself of the ones that I really don’t need. Consider it like the purging of the playroom…something you put off for ages because you really don’t want to do it, you eventually cave, in order to keep your sanity.

The Backpack

The book said that I would have clarity of thought and more creative energy if I followed the steps, and I thought it sounded a little too good to be true…until…..I had some beautiful imagery enter my mind that when I spoke it out loud, it sounded like someone else’s idea (and it might be, so don’t tell anybody if you read this somewhere else, too).

Here we go…I warned you….

Imagine that life is a journey and you are walking along a path with many other people. These are people you love and trust and want to help you life a better life. If you are spiritual or religious, your higher power is with you as well. Everyone on the journey is wearing a backpack, and everyone’s backpack is full of rocks. The rocks represent all of our issues, problems, and ultimately our negative or harmful thoughts. Just like real life, if you have a lot on your plate, your backpack feels very heavy. So heavy, that you may need to take a rock out and ask someone on your journey to help you carry it.

The carrying of the rocks may be a healthy exercise for you or others, or you may be carrying too many rocks that don’t belong to you. This was the old me…a backpack full of rocks and every limb, finger, and toe weighed down by rocks. The biggest and heaviest rock in my backpack was guilt. But, in my imagery, the new me walked with a backpack full of light things like Hope and Love and Faith. I was strong and powerful because I wasn’t weighed down by the issues of others, and I was good at carrying (managing) the rocks (problems) that did come into my backpack.

When I shared this imagery with Chad, he explained that there’s yet another skill that can be learned on our journey (I’m sure he loves my mindfulness). He explained that you can show others your rock, and they can look at it and tell you what you need to hear about it, but they don’t have to carry it. And if they do, you get to tell them how long and far you can manage it. I love his wisdom when it dovetails with mine.

Okay, back to reality. I love this imagery because it encompasses so many practices I learned in therapy…boundaries, letting go of guilt, and finding a voice.

Just this week, I’ve visualized heaving rocks out of my backpack like one of those massively strong Olympic shot-putter. In just a few days, I do feel lighter, less stressed, and I have found more energy to regulate myself and my kids.

So, next time, you are regulating yourself with exercise/reading/talking on the phone, don’t let guilt or any negative thoughts pull you back to the laundry, your kids’ homework, or a tantrum. Throw the guilt out of the backpack, tend to the problem, and be mindful of how much lighter you feel, knowing you are regulated.

Stress Management for Moms (part 2–Taking Action)

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In part one of the series I talked about having an awareness of how our bodies deal with chronic stress and that life’s challenges can force us to check our temperature gauge to see if we need to make any adjustments.

The term regulation became a commonly used word in my family and circle of friends after the sensory related issues with Charlotte were uncovered. My husband and other adults friends of ours felt that we could relate to the dysregulation that we had all seen Charlotte experience. In our world, this looks like an inability to deal with her environment…tantrums, screaming, unable to complete tasks like going potty, getting dressed, following directions, etc. It takes sensory regulation in the form of therapy, sleep, diet, and routine to get her back on track.

We began to use the word liberally and have conversations about what we do as adults to keep ourselves regulated and comfortable in our own environment. Again, having an awareness of our own states of dysregulation and how we adjust leads us to how we ultimately manage our stress. How do you handle stress? What states of mind or activities help you feel your best, or regulated?

What do you know about yourself?

I know that I need to sleep at least 8 hours per night. This is no-brainer, right? It’s important to stop and rethink the importance of sleep. As moms, we push our DVR/to-do list into our children’s sleeping hours all the while pushing our adrenaline up and sleep patterns out of whack. I wouldn’t have survived my adrenal issues if I hadn’t made sleep a priority and let go of any expectations of staying awake past 10pm.

I know that I have the need to spend time away from my kids in order to regulate myself. After the birth of my first daughter, Dana, I struggled with mild PPD until I returned to work part-time. Making space in my brain for my own challenges, relationships, and goals is crucial to my mental health. Blogging anyone?

I know that I need to stay away from sugar, breads, and empty calories. I have always had a fast metabolism and low blood sugar issues. In order to feel comfortable and sleep well, I need to eat higher fat and protein foods that keep me full for longer. I heart bacon.

I know I need exercise but I also know that I get very tired when I exercise too hard. I need to exercise, and I love my routine of walking, yoga, and Pilates. When I recently tried to add a high-intensity hour-long cardio yoga, I was sore and exhausted even after several weeks of classes. Sadly, kicking ass in CrossFit will have to wait.

Are you really tired of being stressed out?..okay, then. Make. Some. Changes.

I’m going to use my teacher voice here with you, beause this is important. You deserve to feel happy/sane/calm/in-control. Find out who you are and what makes you feel good. Take action to regulate yourself.

(Don’t worry, you’re not turning this into anyone….unless you want to…if that’s the case and you’re a SAHM missing your old working-world days, pretend you are going to be asked about your stress level at your Year End Review.)

Here’s what my Taking Action looked like…

I realized that I felt better when I ate Paleo food, I slowly eliminated all of the foods that were making me feel less-than-great. It only takes a few weeks of eating clean food to realize the differences you are making. Lots more on that here, here, and here.

I scheduled my week to attend Pilates and Yoga classes when my kids are at school. I set up a 2-mile walking loop near the center where Charlotte takes therapy. I have learned to respect my body and it’s limits when it comes to exercise.

I communicate my needs (without whining) for having a girls’ night or date night with my husband. I also have a babysitter who watches my kids basically whenever I need her. My time away is crucial. It was important for me to recognize the feelings of anxiety I feel from being smothered by the needs of my kids or trapped in my own home. I let go of the guilt and do what I need to do to feel better. See one of my favorite blogs Momastery for some hilariously-written permission to take time for yourself.

Regulate yourself so you can regulate your children

Our children need us to help regulate them. Even typically-developing children need regulation in the form of routines, consistency, and attention. Special needs children may demand even more effort from their parents for effective regulation. Recognizing your child’s need for regulation is crucial for their development, but recognizing your need for regulation is crucial for your health and well-being.

In Part 3 of the series, I’ll discuss how our thoughts create our stress. It’s all in your head. Really.

Stress Management for Moms (part 1–Awareness)

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I decided to do this series on Stress Management because it is a constant work-in-progress for me. (teaser–I share a big Ah Ha! moment in part 3) I see so many moms dealing with chronic stress that I wanted to share some specific strategies so that managing our day-to-day stress becomes an essential part of caring for ourselves.

I had no idea that I was mismanaging my stress before I had Charlotte. I thought that it was completely normal to be doing ten things at once, carrying around other people’s problems, and thinking deeply and heavily about things I couldn’t control.

When I went into therapy at the onset of my Post Partum Depression, my therapist dubbed me ‘omni-competent’, a ‘pleaser’, and a ‘plate spinner’. These titles made sense to me. I knew I had always been a type-A overachiever, and I can still recall my 7th grade teacher calling me a Perfectionist. What I didn’t know was that a lifetime of these negative thoughts and labels ruined me. In 2008, I was handed a severely depressed and anxious state after the birth of my second child.

After many years of a non-sensible low-fat, high-carb diet and a I-can-do-it-all-attitude, I was nutritionally depleted and mentally exhausted. Something had to change, and I received the signals loud and clear. (Read my Adrenal Fatigue experience for more details). Thankfully, I had a wonderful therapist to gently guide me out of my old ways and into a more peaceful existence where I spin fewer plates and say “No” more often.

It has not been easy to face the challenges of the last 4 years with this foreign-Zen-like attitude. While I sometimes do not recognize myself, I also catch myself sliding back into my old ways. I feel like I am constantly integrating pieces of the old me with new information that I learn about my children, the Paleo diet, and my overall health.

However, I know the key to my success with my adrenal issues is having an awareness of my stress level and keeping a constant eye on myself. It can be time consuming and overwhelming to manage myself on top of everything else, but I know that being aware of and reducing my stress has lead to a better life.

What does it mean to be aware of your stress?

Being a former teacher and a visual learner and if I want to understand something intangible like stress management, it helps for me to create a visual for what I’m working with. One of my favorite images is the one below:

The green zone is safe and my feeling of happy/sane/calm/controlled. I find that I can deal with life’s ups and downs. I know I’ve let myself slip when…. I feel irritability, digestive distress, muscle tension, or illness, and if I have really let things get out of control, I meet my old friend, Insomnia. All of these symptoms are telling me to deal with the stress differently. My adrenal glands are typically overworked, and I have to react immediately.

Your symptoms of stress response may not be as severe. Everybody works differently under stress and each one of us has our own markers for making changes or slowing things down. The most important piece to managing chronic stress is an awareness and acceptance of how our bodies work and developing an appropriate reaction to what they are trying to tell us. One of my biggest struggles on this journey was learning my own limits and not viewing these signals as a sign of failure.

Through much trial and error, I am learning to use life’s challenges in a positive way. I have written in this blog here and here about how I must put myself as a priority and use the powerful tool of self-forgiveness to get back on track. I have learned to accept myself as a work-in-progess, and instead of fearing life’s challenges, I use them as a gauge to see how my body and mind react.

This week my daughter Dana got the stomach flu on her 7th birthday. Of course, We had a beautiful day planned that we could not enjoy. The disappointment was intense, but in the end, I was proud of how I pulled it together, made it a special day for her, and most importantly recognized how well I now handle life’s curveballs.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this Stress Management series–Taking action.

My 2012 Paleo Resolutions

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One of the things that I love about the Paleo lifestyle is that it is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Shortly after beginning our journey, Chad and I realized we had different tolerances and responses to different foods. There is no such thing as Perfect Paleo, and we have accepted that each person in our family is on a unique journey of listening and responding to their body’s needs appropriately. My personal journey with Paleo includes a sense of responsibility to lead my family on this endless quest for better sleep, less stress, and cleaner food.

This Christmas season we have been inundated with treats in our environment. After indulging in more than a few non-Paleo and even Paleo treats, I am reminded of where I am on my journey. Even a small amount of sugar and refined flour sends my blood sugar on a wild ride, leaves me feeling weak and shaky, and depletes the healthy energy that I need to care for my kids and run my household.

Thankfully, Jan 1 is quickly approaching, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t craving schedule, planned meals, earlier bedtimes, and cleaner foods that make our family function optimally. In addition, I’ve had a few Paleo resolutions rolling around in my head for a while that I think are reasonable and appropriate goals for us, sometime in 2012.

1. Start a Paleo blog–this is nearly checked off. While I was planning to start this blog when Charlotte entered Kindergarten, I jump started it to help others and to kick my stress management skills into gear by holding myself accountable. I hope to be honest and accepting and steer clear of preaching or judging.

2. Make more homemade bone broth & sauerkraut–this is a bit of a confession. How can I consider myself a Paleo blogger if I haven’t made these Paleo wonders that are full of healthy nourishment that help heal a leaky gut? Diane and Liz, I’ve been listening…so stay tuned for posts on these super-Paleo foods.

3. Darken our bedrooms–This has been on the list of home improvement projects since I read Robb Wolf’s book, but after listening to podcast from Underground Wellness with T.S. Wiley, I learned how sleeping in dark room facilitates melatonin and Vitamin D production, therefore positively affecting insulin, serotonin, and other key hormones that make us feel good. Charlotte’s fear of the dark has lessened significantly, so I need to grab this opportunity for better sleep and regulation with her while I can.

4. Less TV for the kids–With winter illness and icy weather running rampant in our household for the last month, TV gazing has become more prevalent for the kids as they are looking for a way to wind down after hectic schedules, heal from runny noses and sore throats, and generally stay out of mommy’s way while she runs around like a crazy person during the holidays.

Mostly importantly, I need to remember to be kind to myself and enjoy our journey. A few symptoms of dysregulation and falling off the Paleo wagon only give us more motivation to take another step toward overall wellness, as defined by us.

Back on Track

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It must be the holidays. I’m feeling pulled in a million different directions, and I seem unable to focus on the day-to-day tasks as more and more stuff to do piles in my head. I was not surprised when Charlotte had a series of meltdowns this morning. We are back in school after the Thanksgiving holiday, and her re-entry into this routine is usually shaky.

A few weeks ago at dinner she announce that she was feeling tired. While this seems like such a simple thing, Chad and I nearly high-fived each other across the table. She has taken the next step of many in the journey toward self-regulating.

That being said, when she announces her need for sleep at 9am on a Tuesday morning, other than canceling our morning plans and driving home and putting her to bed, I wasn’t sure how to help her. I struggled getting her to eat breakfast, get dressed, and attend Dana’s morning drop off assembly. By the time we got to her therapy appointment, she was done. The hand-off to the therapist did not go well. Charlotte spent quite a few minutes on the floor, seeming unable to pull herself to standing and go in for the session.

Thankfully, the ever-so-patient therapist motivated her to stand up and enter the session. Once in the therapy room (where parents do not go), I could hear her continue to sob her tired tears and plead for some item of need. Most days, I take off quickly after the hand-off for my morning walk, but today I waited in agony, stood outside the closed door, and waited until I heard the tears quiet and the session begin.

As I began my walk, my mind was flooded with a million thoughts of guilt and shame that someone else was having to deal with my child in that state and what I had done to get it to that point. All of a sudden I realized that putting myself on a guilt trip was the least healthy thing I could do for myself at that moment, and freeing myself of this guilt suddenly jolted me into reality. In addition to the added stressors around the holidays, I recognized a series of events and decisions that had occurred in my personal life over the last few weeks that have pulled my focus from my family and have forced me to regulate myself. Charlotte’s world was more upside down than it needed to be, due to my choices. I said out loud as I walked, “I am done”, and mentally released all of the excess mental baggage that I had been carrying around while I was trying keep Charlotte regulated at the same time.

It was like a switch flipped for me at that moment, and I realized that the precious amount of energy that I had to get through each day was being wasted. Instead of beating myself up for allowing Charlotte to get to a point of exhaustion and dysregulation, I promised myself that I would get my focus back on what is important and use my energy to help her get through the next few hectic weeks of off-scheduling, holidays, food temptations, and any other unexpected drama that would derail our regulated state.

I am giving myself permission to stay focused on my family when life will want to pull me away again. Nothing is more important than keeping my child comfortable and free from avoidable meltdowns.

One of those days…

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I’ve used this expression so many times when it seems the negative energy of the universe has unleashed itself upon me, and I am unable to effectively meet the endless challenge running a household and maintaining my sanity. However, today I began to think about the dynamics that make up a difficult day…or in my case, a ridiculous-lose-my-cool-and-feel-guilty-about-it-all-day kind of morning.

I must preface by saying that I often think deeply about my mistakes and missteps in life in order to improve my behavior in the future. I believe being a parent is my life’s work, and I strive for some level of perfection. My challenge is walking the thin line between reflection and obsession–but that’s another post.

After my Pilates class and some time away from the kids, I was able to reflect on the morning and this led me to the realization that as Charlotte and I continue on our journey of healing, we are going to both have off days. Sadly, recovering from sensory related issues (her) and hormonally related issues (me) means that one or both of us has to take the 2-steps-back-to-move-one-step-forward dance. When Charlotte’s dysregulation results in defiant behavior and my PMS is raging, we’re going to have issues…and well, a rough morning. Insert deep breath here. Practice self forgiveness.

My reflection has led me to new solutions and new consequences. Assuming that I have done my part to keep the morning moving (breakfast made, kids up on time), Charlotte has the responsibilty of moving herself through the proper steps of potty, breakfast, getting dressed, and using her tools of asking for help and self regulation to get her there. She craves the morning play time before assembly at Dana’s school. If she cooperates with the morning routine, she receives this reward. If she falls off the morning wagon, we drop Dana off with Charlotte in pajamas.

So after careful reflection, self forgiveness, and knowing my child’s limits and capabilities, I am able to regulate myself with a plan for tomorrow’s morning.

Welcome!

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This blog is designed to help families with special needs children achieve a Paleo lifestyle. I will include my experiences that led my family to this lifestyle, how we achieved it, and how we stick to it. My family has enjoyed a range of health benefits as a result of the Paleo diet. Our experiences range from improving my younger daughter’s Autism, my older daughter’s nasal allergies, and managing stress and adrenal issues for my husband and myself.

Our path toward health and wellness has been an exceptional exprience, and I look forward to sharing our story with you and helping your family achieve optimal health benefits.