I’ve used this expression so many times when it seems the negative energy of the universe has unleashed itself upon me, and I am unable to effectively meet the endless challenge running a household and maintaining my sanity. However, today I began to think about the dynamics that make up a difficult day…or in my case, a ridiculous-lose-my-cool-and-feel-guilty-about-it-all-day kind of morning.
I must preface by saying that I often think deeply about my mistakes and missteps in life in order to improve my behavior in the future. I believe being a parent is my life’s work, and I strive for some level of perfection. My challenge is walking the thin line between reflection and obsession–but that’s another post.
After my Pilates class and some time away from the kids, I was able to reflect on the morning and this led me to the realization that as Charlotte and I continue on our journey of healing, we are going to both have off days. Sadly, recovering from sensory related issues (her) and hormonally related issues (me) means that one or both of us has to take the 2-steps-back-to-move-one-step-forward dance. When Charlotte’s dysregulation results in defiant behavior and my PMS is raging, we’re going to have issues…and well, a rough morning. Insert deep breath here. Practice self forgiveness.
My reflection has led me to new solutions and new consequences. Assuming that I have done my part to keep the morning moving (breakfast made, kids up on time), Charlotte has the responsibilty of moving herself through the proper steps of potty, breakfast, getting dressed, and using her tools of asking for help and self regulation to get her there. She craves the morning play time before assembly at Dana’s school. If she cooperates with the morning routine, she receives this reward. If she falls off the morning wagon, we drop Dana off with Charlotte in pajamas.
So after careful reflection, self forgiveness, and knowing my child’s limits and capabilities, I am able to regulate myself with a plan for tomorrow’s morning.